A Letter to my mother

March 3, 2012

On this day 37 years ago, you gave birth to me. Although I haven’t officially met you, that I recall, I want to thank you. You chose to give me life. You carried me in your womb for nearly a year. I wonder if you rubbed your belly and talked to me. What did you want to name me? Did you read the Bible to me? Do you believe in God because I surely do! Are you a Christian? If not, we need to work on that! Did you sing to me? I wonder if I look like you. Do I have your eyes, ears, feet, or hands? Whose smile do I have? I get a lot of compliments on it! Am I part Native American? I get asked that a lot. It would be cool to know my heritage. What’s my father like? Do I have siblings? There is so much I want to know. What was it like to give birth to me then give me away? Did you hold me? I bet it tore your heart out. I know in my heart you did it to give me a better life. For years I wondered about you. It’s so strange to miss you but not know you. But we were connected; I lived inside your body before I was born. You are my mother. When I was a little girl, I fantasied about who you were. I often daydreamed I was the love child of Madonna or perhaps my Aunt’s love child because she graduated high school the year I was born. She had dated my track coach during high school. When I ran track he showed me a lot of favoritism and I instantly thought I was his love child. But I look nothing like him and I guess I had pure talent so he praised me for being a gifted athlete and for my relentless determination. I was the only first-year runner to score enough points to earn my school letter. Did you or my father run track? It was odd growing up and not resembling my family. We have similar skin tone, but I didn’t have the characteristics they did. I could see how my Mom looked like my Granny and perhaps my Granddaddy, but he died when I was 5 so I don’t remember much about him. My Daddy had my Pappaw’s big ears and my Mammaw’s eyes. Whose eyes and ears do I have?
I’ve wanted to meet you but I didn’t want to break my Momma’s heart. She said I could look for you but I could tell she would have been hurt. She raised me, loved me, tried to protect me, showed me how to be compassionate, fed me well, and taught me how to shop! My Daddy taught me how to detail and show cars and instilled in me a love and knowledge of vehicles that is very unique for a female to have. I wonder if we have similar interests.
Both my Momma and Daddy have passed on from this Earth and are with Jesus in Heaven. You left me in good hands. They gave me a worthy start and got me on track to becoming the amazing woman of God I am today. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. I’ve earned a Master’s degree and am seeking to pursue a PhD. I love to learn. I served 5 years in the US Air Force as a Personnel Officer and was honorably discharged at the rank of Captain (O-3). I currently work on a contractual basis for counseling and teaching when the right opportunities are presented. I volunteer a lot at my church, Lakewood Church, as a Stephen Minister and Operations Assistant and I also do some freelance writing. I mostly work from home because the position I am most proud of is Mommy. My daughter will turn 13 this April. I am so blessed God chose me to be her mother! She is an incredibly wise and wonderful young lady! She looks and acts so much like me. I wonder if I look like you or have your mannerisms. We have 2 teacup Chihuahuas, a 20 month old boy and a 14 month old girl as well as a teddy bear hamster and a Beta fish. My daughter and I love animals. Do you?
Thank you for giving me life 37 years ago today! It is by far my best birthday gift ever! Hopefully one day we can meet and discover the answers to my questions and build a relationship.
Love,
Delena

letter

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